If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
