Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
