my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Say something about gay babies.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
