when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
