My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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