def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Enjoy the penises
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
