I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
