I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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