Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
