you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
