a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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