I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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