Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
