she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
