she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
