roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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