I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
