you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
