Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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