That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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