Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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