I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
