I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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