i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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