Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
