Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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