Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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