If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
