How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
