I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
