so explain again why im purple
no
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
