I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
