After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
