walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
