I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
