Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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