Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
