If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize