her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
