I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am spending my child support on dildos
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
