Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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