theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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