took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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