didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
