dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
even my farts smell like vagina
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
