This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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