I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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