i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
