69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
