I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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