The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
A bitchslap is in order.
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