so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
