we're chasing vodka with high fives
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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