After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
