i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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