I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
