I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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