we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize