then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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