I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
worst night to have a conscience
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
