i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
