There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
