It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
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