How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
