The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
