dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
