yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
