I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
