Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
