My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize