God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
