I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize